Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
