sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
