Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Randomize
