The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
