you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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