I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
