Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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