Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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