I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
