she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
