Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
