Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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