She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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