He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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