After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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