I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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