I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
