im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
