first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
