My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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