I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
