Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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