I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
