I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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