scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
