we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
