i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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