He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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