Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
