I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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