Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
