she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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