My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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