1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
