she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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