Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month