She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this