I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
