i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
