why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
