On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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