I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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