It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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