It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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