i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
