At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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