All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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