I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
