I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
