You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
