Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
