Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
