If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
