when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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