Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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