You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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