no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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