So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
