i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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