that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
