I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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