I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
